Dreamland

http://ccpruett.wordpress.com/2010/02/07/dreamland/

Revelation Song

http://ccpruett.wordpress.com/2010/02/07/revelation-song/

Changing Blogs

Hi guys... or like the 2 people who maybe follow this blog semi-regularly. I have moved my blog to WordPress. I am still in the process of getting everything set up. But my new blog is called Mon Cheri' Amour, which you can find at ccpruett.wordpress.com/
See ya there ;D

Blessings,
Cayla

Blogger Tips?

So I am trying to figure out how to make my page much cooler than it is. I hate the bland templates that blogspot gives you... I found the one currently on my page on some blogger templates page online... but I can't for the life of me figure out how to change the stupid rolling pictures. Does anyone know how to edit this kind of stuff? I would love any advice for sprucing up my page ;)

Thanks!

dreams and day dreams

I've been watching a lot of ALIAS lately. It's kind of funny because I really hate TV. We don't even get channels, and I could care less. But if you get me in front of a series on DVD that I can really get into... oh Lord, watch out! Anyway... it's been pretty obnoxious lately. Hours of my day are swept away because I can't wait to find out what happens next... confession: I find myself living vicariously through the characters... wishing my life was half as exciting and I was half as b.a. as Jennifer Garner. lol. But all of this is really far from besides the point. The only relevance this has, is just that since I have been so glued to the TV... I have found myself having some really vivid dreams. Dreams that linger long after I have woken up.
The other night I had this one so vivid that the details and images of it are still clear as day to me. I think about it all the time. This is going to sound so bizarre, but I dreamt I had 8 children... as in babies... all at once! It was terrifying and wonderful all at the same time. I recall specifically one child I had was this little black baby boy who quite literally fit into the palm of my hand. He was so precious. I believe he was wrapped in some kind of red bandana... which is a bit strange now that I come to think of it. But I remember this moment when he was in my hands and I just thought "what a beautiful thing! I want a picture to capture this moment!" I couldn't find a camera, but I wanted to freeze that moment so bad. All the rest of my kids were white-- so I don't really know how that happened. Maybe, and bare with me as I'm thinking of all this only in the moment, but maybe that's some kind of sign that I am going to adopt & will love him just as if he really were my very own. What a beautiful thing I think! I hope this dream comes true.
The dream, besides the already highlighted portion above, was very bizarre. The children kept growing up every time I blinked my eyes pretty much. It what must have been a days time they went from premies, to the size of 5 & 6 year olds... if not older. I recall the feeling of panic as I realized they were half grown & I hadn't even had the chance to name them... ANY of them! Plus (really bizarre side note) my mom had also had a large batch of kids... and so they were all running around together and I couldn't keep track of them or tell them apart. I didn't even know how many boys and how many girls I had had... how was I supposed to pick names??! lol. (I know this is absolutely insane, I don't blame you if you stop reading!). It was a frantic feeling to be sure... but the feeling of intense love & wonder and awe was never diluted nor ever dissipated. I had so much pride over them.
All of this got me to thinking today... (since I can't seem to stop thinking about this crazy crazy dream!) maybe the orphanages we visit this summer will feel something like this dream. Chaotic and overwhelming, tragic even... but full of joy & passion & love. I am so excited for this trip! I think if I ever do adopt, which I definitely want to do, it will be a little black baby from Africa. So maybe there is much more truth to this dream after all! ;D

...I will love you...

Grace and Peace.

the reNEWal of a NEW year

December 2009, headed into the New Year. There really is something new stirring in me and in my family this year. My mom has had some kind of spiritual awakening and it's been beautiful getting to sit back and watch her evolve and embrace the woman the Lord has always intended her to be. She's changing in very real ways and it's been an amazing blessing to witness it and share in her new found joy. This holiday break was the first time my family attended church regularly since before I can remember. My mom woke up one day and had a revelation that just hit her... suddenly she knew that the life she was living was not enough, and that she needed more... she needed relationships, with God and with others... she needs community.

So mom, all the girls and I attended every Sunday at Church on the Hill in Salem (COTH) and it was a great blessing for my heart to be a part of that. Mom also joined a women's life group there and is getting really plugged in. I think the girls (my sisters that is) are going to follow a similar route soon by getting involved in the various youth programs at the church as well. This is so exciting for me to know that they are getting plugged into a community that will invest in them on a spiritual level and in a way that will encourage them in kingdom perspectives rather than worldly ones. It's hard not getting to be around to invest personally and regularly as a mentor into the lives of my younger sisters the way I so wish I could do... but I feel encouraged and hopeful that God is providing even still! (not that he needed me around to do accomplish this of course!)

Some other realizations came to a head this break also, such as my feelings toward my dad... and some deep wounds I have. But the way I've come to see it, my father is lost in many ways-- I can see it in his perspectives on life. He really isn't living any life at all, and I know he gets depressed just going through the motions with very little purpose and very few relationships. One of my professors, who I consider to be a very strong, very wise woman challenged our class at the end of last year to do a few things for 2010. One of those things was to commit to pray for one person every day of 2010. Initially, upon receiving this assignment, I didn't even know who I might possibly chose for such a thing. And then over break it was made very clear that I was supposed to pray for my dad. This of course was the last thing I ever wanted to come to terms with because if I am honest, he is the last person I can imagine wanting to spend every day praying for. I don't even know how to pray for him. I just want to stay angry. But... truly, deep down, this is not true. I really do want to move forward. And as I've committed to pray for him every day of 2010, I'm beginning to see that in praying for his healing, there is just as much healing that needs to be accomplished in my own life. I can see that this is going to be a very intense journey on which God is going to teach me a lot about myself along with learning to see my dad in a whole new light. And I'll probably fight it every step... but I am really going to try and embrace it. My hope, or expectation rather is that between moms and my own prayers, God is going to come through in some pretty awesome ways [insert here verse for 2010: Psalm 5:3. "In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation"]. I trust that God is moving and speaking and I just have to be willing to lay it down and wait for him in hopeful expectation that he will fulfill his promises. 

Beyond this, I got to spend some quality time with my Uncle Rob over break as well. I witnessed what I believe to be the beginning of true bridge-building between him and my family. HUGE praise. Very excited to see what is in store there as well. 

So basically, this New Year is clearly different somehow. It's a year of transition and ground-breaking change. I'll be leaving APU in a few months and on to a brand new season of life altogether. Some of the changes will be good, ie. Marissa coming to APU in the fall (another huge development from break, which I mention in my last post), while others may be more painful. But I am confident that God is moving... God is speaking. This year... let us hear... let us listen!

A New Adventure...

So I am here, in Oregon, for the last real Christmas "vacation" I'll probably ever have. My one goal was to really soak it up, to fully embrace and enjoy every moment with my family... so that I could look back and say at least I had one last really great "bang" with my family before I begin work and my breaks are reduced to just a few days off here and there. Yet I find myself almost immediately right back where I started... so easily falling back into the rhythms I am accustomed to at home... which isn't all bad. But I have learned about myself, that short breaks are good for me, and I can enjoy them, but after a few days of no responsibility, I begin to crave activity. My sister, for instance, is working at a local restaurant here as a hostess, and she works a lot! And as much as I realize that what she is doing is probably not all that invigorating, at least she has something to do! I on the other hand, am doing next to nothing. I have no real way of making any money. In fact, I am practically losing money since I have to take so much time off of work. I find myself getting extremely stir crazy after so many days of sleeping in and sitting around all day watching movies. lol. I don't even like TV in the first place. So all of this to say, it's been kind of weird. I hoped to have a much more active break. But alas, it is what it is I suppose, and certainly there have been some really cool moments as well, a few of which I will share.

For starters, the most exciting thing that happened this break, actually just happened a few days ago. My sister, Marissa and I went into town. We were going to sign her up for classes at Chemeketa, our local community college. She has taken 2 classes there so far, and absolutely hates the place, who can blame her? Walking in that building for the first time with her was immediately uninviting and had a very industrial, "business" like feeling. I thought it ironic that it is called a "community" college since there is no real sense of community there whatsoever. People there don't care who you are or how you are. It certainly is nothing like the experiences I have had a APU. Anyway, as it turns out, Marissa had waited so long to register for the winter term classes that she literally couldn't get into any classes but one writing course. It was practically a waste of time. But on our drive home, we got into a heart to heart about life, school, love and all of that, and I couldn't believe the turn the conversation took. #1 key point, she hates Chemeketa. She wants so badly to be a part of a community that actually cares and where she can actually be challenged in ways that actually matter to her. #2, she is dying for some strong Christian girlfriends who she can really call friends. She has her boyfriend, and honestly, that is about it. She doesn't hang out with anyone from high school anymore because she has no one she has found to be an encouraging or uplifting presence in her life. So sad. And #3, she is craving opportunities to grow strong in the Lord. "Cayla," she told me, "I want what you have. I want to be on fire for the Lord. Ever since I visited APU I have wanted to go SO bad, with everything in me I wanted to go. And I was so sure I was going to go. But then I came home and everyone told me that it was too unreasonable, that I was asking too much: that is, it's too expensive, it's too far away, too 'risky'. But I feel like I have been living my whole life playing it "safe" and I'm so sick of it! I feel like I don't have any meaning in my life and I am dying to learn and grow in the Lord. Every time you come home I feel so inspired, like I really could do it! But when you leave, I get sucked back into this black hole where people tell me I can't do it, and I believe them." At this, I am beginning to tear up mind you. I want nothing more in life than to see my sisters have the experiences they want. Especially considering their desires are so pure and good. I feel like they are my own children and I would fight until the death of me to help them get there. How unfair that just because I was willing to fight for my dream, I would get it, and just because she is more timid in speaking her dreams she would not? This breaks my heart because I see others potential (this is actually one of my strengths: maximizer. Basically this means I see other peoples' potential... all the things they can be and can accomplish if they would just set their minds to it... and so it really affects me when I see those I love not taking advantage of such opportunities). Anyway, I looked at her and told her "Marissa, you can do it! You keep praying for strong Christian girlfriends, but what are you doing to pursue it? Maybe the Lord is just waiting for you to take advantage of the opportunities he has set before you! I believe in you... if you want this, you should do it because you'll always regret letting it slip through your fingers." She looked at me with the most resolved look in her eyes... "I HAVE to go! I am going to go!" OMG amazing!! I don't know that I have ever been more proud of her. And as tempting as it is to assume that I want her to go to APU because that is where I went and I clearly love it, I really just want her to go because it is what she wants. She has found her voice... and I cannot wait to see the way the Lord blesses her for trusting Him to provide for her along the way. It's bound to be an incredible journey for her. When she told my mom, "Mom, I'm going to APU... I just HAVE to!" My mom stopped what she was doing, looked at her and smiled. "Really? If that's what you want... then I am so proud of you!" It was just the confirmation that she needed. Praise the Lord.

I am going to leave this post to that... because I know that I tend to be very long-winded and this post is already really long. I will write again soon though. I want to talk about resolutions and the New Year... which I am pretty excited about. But that is for next time.

Blessings to you all.